6:56 p.m. - 2009-10-28
it's all i can do
It doesn't boil down to personal choice or who you believe the most, your doctor or the news. It boils down to how much fear you have, and what you fear the most. I fear being on a ventilator and having a miscarriage or going into labour too soon and having a stillbirth. I fear sitting in the hospital looking at Julianne wondering if she is going to live through that day, or if it will be the day that pneumonia takes her breath away for good. Those fears outweigh the chance of neurological damage from a vaccine. Those fears outweigh my paranoia about a vaccine for a disease we don't know very much about and my paranoia about being a guinea pig for that vaccine. AND I AM PARANOID. I'm going to get my H1N1 flu shot on Friday. You go get your doctorate in medical science, then you can lecture me about how I'm being an idiot, or give me a rant about not following what the fearmongering media tells me. I don't need any help doubting my decisions, try not to forget that I am not an idiot and I'm going to freak out about my children's development for the rest of life, because I don't know if I'm making the best decision. I'm making the best decision that I can, period.
