2018-08-13

im okay you're okay we're all okay

I'm starting to feel like this has turned into a community of the same 50 diaries that all buddy each other. I'm seeing the same names pop up on all the profiles.. Not that that's a bad thing, not at all, it's just so so different from what I have in my head as diaryland.

If I update every three days my user will stay constantly in that recently updated box there, which is wild to me. I remember when there were so many new entries that box would only hold your user for minutes instead of days. Back when dland was the only real place for those of us seeking to remain mostly anonymous, and social media wasn't a thing.

It's so comforting that I can still come here, that there's this huge chunk of my life recorded on this site. the whole middle chunk, from shortly before i had kiddos to now.. I don't need to go back and re-read any of it, (my brain has saved me from the worst of it, and we'll leave it at that until a paid professional believes we need to tackle it lol)

my mom's going through some pretty hard times, mental illness-wise.. but she's still sober, so things are still on the plus side, even if it feels as though I'm helpless.

In other developments, I've got random muscle pain, which is totally unusual to the normal 'my bones are on fire' pain of my chronic illness. So, not really sure what's happening there but i hope it's temporary. And yes, I'm trying to stretch it out, as much as I can stand to. I'm also not taking nearly the painkillers I was, so this might just be my body coming down off of two years of constantly being propped up with those specific chemicals. *shrugs* It could be almost anything.

Ive gotten passed over for two jobs I felt really good about. Both times they made a point to tell me I'm a perfect fit but they went with someone else. Is that the norm now when you email/message people you aren't hiring? I've been out of this loop so long it could be.
I'm not going back to the Bank. And I'm looking for parttime work that doesn't run into the dark hours of the day. Those are pretty much my only stipulations, so I've been applying to really random things.
I don't want to go back to social services to play 'jump through all these ridiculous hoops' to get employed again, but i will if nothing comes of all my applying this summer.

And I'll of course keep buying a single lotto ticket when i get my government pay. Because the lump is still there, and I don't know what else to do with this level of 'waiting for a thing to happen'.

u-saved-me at 2:04 p.m.

past --- future