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9:03 a.m. - 2008-05-15 this month should go faster, next month too. i just want to be.. normal. i dont have crazy, well, ok maybe my goals are a little crazy, but a year and a few months is doable.. especially if I start swimming next winter.. ohh that would be nice.. to swim again.. i love swimming.. loooove it.. the y wont be so bad, i mean, its not like my brother's friend will stare.. he wont.. and who knows what could happen.. yeah i still have a memory of a stupid crush on him, but.. he's growing up so its not terrible.. and hes actually responsible.. and he'll still be in school until Im done.. whatever i have to stop fantasizing about this.. concentrate on myself and forget all the rest.. especially that guy who asked me to go home with him.. although I needed to hear it.. walking by the dh is NOT the place, totally freaked out all the way home.. alone. I had a dream last night, about starspinning with J ... i dont want to talk about that really either.. cuz P would kill him. and im not joking about that. we'd have to call the cops.. or get D and C and other strong intimidating guys who know how to subdue someone to take control.. ughh.. i dont want to think about this.. ok i have to go.. ugh i hate having feelings for a guy LOTS of other girls like, what is WITH that fucking nonsense.. why cant i find a gem that no one else recognizes? oh yeah, cuz they're CRAZY..
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