9:03 a.m. - 2008-05-15
this month should go faster, next month too.
i just want to be.. normal.
i dont have crazy, well, ok maybe my goals are a little crazy, but a year and a few months is doable.. especially if I start swimming next winter.. ohh that would be nice.. to swim again..
i love swimming.. loooove it..
the y wont be so bad, i mean, its not like my brother's friend will stare.. he wont.. and who knows what could happen..
yeah i still have a memory of a stupid crush on him, but.. he's growing up so its not terrible.. and hes actually responsible.. and he'll still be in school until Im done..
whatever i have to stop fantasizing about this.. concentrate on myself and forget all the rest..
especially that guy who asked me to go home with him.. although I needed to hear it.. walking by the dh is NOT the place, totally freaked out all the way home.. alone.
I had a dream last night, about starspinning with J ...
i dont want to talk about that really either.. cuz P would kill him.
and im not joking about that. we'd have to call the cops..
or get D and C and other strong intimidating guys who know how to subdue someone to take control..
ughh.. i dont want to think about this..
ok i have to go..
ugh i hate having feelings for a guy LOTS of other girls like, what is WITH that fucking nonsense..
why cant i find a gem that no one else recognizes?
oh yeah, cuz they're CRAZY..