7:16 p.m. - 2008-07-10
my heart really hurts, and I really DONT want to talk about it AT ALL.. because there are SOO many girls involved and sooo many possible jealousies and broken hearts and just retardedness that I dont need/want this weekend..
my mom thought we could change the thermostat in the LANEWAY..
like theres a vicegrip on my heart and Im trying like hell to ignore it..
Im so excited to buy cigarettes with you tomorrow....
Im surprised at how addicting it is to stalk everyone and creep on their profiles..
Im totally avoiding what I really want to talk about but who cares in 24 hours Im going to be waaaste faaace..
I was creeping through this group that is devoted to people who have found love at a time hortons.. (i have a friend who met her husband there) aaand I saw a message on the discussion board from one of the little 16 yr olds I used to work with... yeah he's turning 19 this year.. and he's HOTT.. but, he used to be really cocky and just.. dumb. but he's a shift leader at tims now and he has kept that position for over a year so he's getting more jaded and more lovely all the way around..
ANYWAYS.. he said I have a good story about finding love at tims, but I dont think I should write it here, msg me if you want to know it..
and I messaged him.. the post was almost a year old, but I figure if its a good enough story he will tell me..
and right after I did that I had a panic attack.. what if he tells that guy I no longer care about that I messaged him?? more drama.. drama on top of drama..
but what the hell, im a free person, im my own adult person.. so fuck if Im curious about something why cant I message a question?
gah. its terrible how much Im still stuck in the rut of being terrified of his opinion..
hopefully... I'll get out soon..
ok Im gonna go downstairs and weigh myself and hopefully its more good news..
i dont want to talk about that either until I hit -50lbs.