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10:09 a.m. - 2008-10-17
So, now I owe 87.19 for gas, and 279.27 for hydro from the old apartment.

Why, you ask?

Well, shortly after Julianne was born, a man came to the door, she was SCREAMING and I couldnt hear him, he was asking me to sign something for Festival Hydro.

So I signed.

Turns out it wasnt for Festival Hydro at all, but a FIVE YEAR contract with Ontario Energy Savings Corporation. And since I broke that contract in JUNE, I owe them FEES for breaking the FIVE YEAR contract.

I can't FUCKING believe this.

I just texted Patrick asking him to make sure he can pay me some money on thursday and he wrote back huh?

Im so fucking mad, and just... jesus fucking christ can I not get a break here?

Three weeks after Julianne was born I wasnt eating Iwasnt sleeping Patrick was pissed off all the time because I didnt want to have sex as much as before (we started again after 2 weeks, despite warnings from the doc to wait 6weeks, yeah, cuz I was sooo afraid he would leave me if I didnt put out)

WTF is a corporation going around in an APARTMENT building asking people to sign contracts for FIVE YEARS?

fuck me. fuckfuckfuckfucklfsklagjfa;gnskl;m

and I have to pay it asap, because they are starting up a legal process that will FUCK my credit.. and if I have no credit maybe I wont be able to get to school next year so what the hell am I supposed to do but pay?

So, the moral of this is Im bawling my eyes out because now I have no idea if Im going to be able to pay for your plane ticket. Or even help pay for it.

I hate this. I hate being poor. I hate that Patrick has an ENTIRE PAY CHECK left over at the end of the month and has no plans or thoughts to help me with anything.

Im such a fucking IDIOT for believing him..

Im such a fucking IDIOT for withdrawing my courtcase..

God please. I don't ask for much here. Im working my ass off. Im trying to get through school, Im trying to pay my bills and be honest and not screw anyone around. Please help me. Please please stop this shit from coming out of the wood work. please. or at least give me warning or soemthing..

Im sorry, deeply deeply sorry that I bbegged and pleaded when I was alone and harming myself to the point of passing out and almost drowning in the shower.. Im sorry I asked for someone to just simply love me. Cuz thats not fucking enough.

And Patrick can fuck right off.



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