10:37 p.m. - 2009-03-24
I was reading on that author's website that the easiest way to write a book is to concentrate on the part that you feeeel like writing and dont try to do it start to finish.. if you have an idea for a conversation between characters or a confrontation write it down.. I think, if I could have more confidence, this could be a pretty excellent outlet..
BEAR IN MIND, this is just free form, what I could write while at work, so some of the parts arent fleshed out, I just didnt want to forget the picture I have in my head of it..
I need to do more research... ps, if you havent noticed i hate punctuation, and it messes with my ability to get the words down, so this may be confusing.. from your point of view..
and I need Better Names.. gah. I was coming up blank.. so these are just place holders, ebcause I couldnt NOT use a name in some sentences..
Girl, at work, in a desk, waiting for the clock to catch up with her, impatient to get out of that place.
Noticing the crowd, briefcases, pantsuits, sheís barely biz-casual, coworkerís word.. feeling like an ant, that fell into a bee hive. Thinks about catching the bus, clouds coming up suddenly, doesnít care enough to fear the storm. Remembers hoping for thunder, before her life was grey.
Noticing cars, the beat, making her feet keep their own rhythm, pulling out ear buds, hatessssss them, but forgot the others at home, notices someone watching her, another pedestrian walking towards her on the sidewalk, male, tall, dark hair eyes clothes, pale, he is on his own course, but steps to the side neatly, and brushes against her arm and shoulder, she spins around, away from the contact from this stranger, and he looks back at her face, a strange expression she canít figure out, then he grins, and turns, still walking.
She turns around, lightheaded, confused, notices the sky darkening, rain. Hears a rumble, and breaks into a sprint.
Run and runs and runs, not sure what is making her legs want this, she hasnít ran in years, since middle school.
She makes it to her street, and sheís winded. Ugh. So very out of shape, her mother was right. Her legs would probably hurt tomorrow. She suddenly panics, remembering the strangerís bump and checks her pockets.
Her keys are there, and something else. Folder paper, perfectly square. Her eyebrows pull together as she opens it.
-letterÖ meeting? Compliment? Stranger? (maybe from Coworker?)
I must be the most annoying person on the planet, then.
What do you mean?
You put up with a lot,Ē he said gesturing at my coworkers, ďWithout so much as a grimace.Ē
But thatís work. Itís always been like that.
Well, in the beginning it was terrifying. But everything starts like that. School, workÖ you.
I was terrifying?
Well, not you specifically, but this. I gestured to the park and to him, Being alone with a stranger.
Thatís healthy though. Most people would not have met me.
So that fear makes me what?
The corners of his mouth tilted upward as he turned. There doesnít always have to be a conclusion to observations.
Then what is the point of observing? I said irritated. Why did he get to ask all the questions, when I was burning with my own. Why didnít I just ask them, instead of waiting.
He turned back to me, and I turned my head from the ground to look at his face again What were you thinking that day, when you walked out of your building into the crowd of people rushing and crushing each other, without touching? Did you come to conclusions then?
I.. I didnít really want to tell him my feelings at that moment, the hopelessness that this would forever be my life, the oddity, the one that always got the rolled eyes and the sighs. She had so much potential
I wasnít like them. I said quietly
He let that statement linger in the air above my face until I wanted to run again.
If you could be anywhere, right now, where would you be?
I let out a choked sound, I felt too full, to stay sitting beside him. I needed to run.
Wait Elle, whatís wrong, please.. donít go..
I stopped a few feet from him. And turned around to look at his skin, his eyes, his hair. Would I ever run from him? Would I ever need to.
The hurt in his eyes made me gasp. He stood and took two strides to get to where I was standing. Im sorry, I didnít mean to upset you, Tell me what I did wrong please.. I donít want you to leave, not like this.
What do you mean not like this? My eyes narrowed inspite of his obvious pain. It was just too much, I couldnít sympathize with him as well as deal with all the emotions running circles in my head. My heart was pounding, as if I was sprinting my way home.
I just, I donít want you to leave.
Why are you prodding me? Question after question! You donít even know me!
I want to know you, every thought, every word. he said quietly, looking at a space three feet right of my sneakers.
I was quite confused now. Me? Why me?
Youíre different, he said soft again, he took a step closer, but not close enough to touch me, and looked at my eyes, my face, as if studying it..
My knees threatened to buckle, how is this possible
A pained sound broke out of his lips and I felt sharp cold against my lower back. I jumped and turned to him.
Who did this to you? He spit out the words as I realized his hand was what had touched my back.
James, please, you are really terrifying right now. Its ancient history, the guyís locked up.. I trailed off watching his face as he regained control of the rage that was slowly sliding back behind a careful mask, the one he had made his face into the day I saw him walk towards me.
I took a step closer to him, suddenly wanting to touch his skin again, to see if it was as cold as I had thought from his touch. Or maybe I was just unusually warm.
He froze, I searched his face for any sign that I was encouraging his rage to return, and when the corners of his mouth turned up a little I took another step.
What are you doing exactly?
Observing I said in as much of a carefree tone as I could manage considering my fear was firmly encamped in my stomach.
Oh? And what conclusions have you made?
I took another step, closing the distance between us, I brought my hand up and cautiously laid it on the side of his face
Like grabbing a pop out of the fridge, cold, but not uncomfortable.
He gently leaned his face into my hand as if he couldnít get enough of the warmth and I impulsively laid my hand on his other cheek, cupping his smooth face between them. His eyes were closed, his skin so pale, it was almost luminescent in the shadow we stood in.
I suddenly wanted more, and pulled his face towards mine, our lips touch for an electric half a second before he jerked his head away and took a full stride backward.
I put my hands on my shoulders crossing my elbows in front of me and by pure force of will, I did not cry. The moment he stepped back it was like I had seen the finished puzzle and someone shut the light off, so that all I had was a blurry memory of where the pieces fit.
He took a half step forward What are you thinking
I want to touch you again I whispered
And what would you do if I said this was the worst idea you could have? The rage was in his eyes
How could it be the worst idea? I said taking a step forward, he froze again but seemed unable to move. The confusion was back. The puzzle! I knew how it went together, I knew there was something more here, I needed him to say it
Would you hurt me I murmured
No, Elle, never, I would never hurt you
I took his face in my hands again and gently pulled it down, until our foreheads touched, I shivered a little and said How can this be the worst idea, when itís the only thing that feels right?
I felt his shoulders move and then his arms were around me pulling me closer to him until my face was nestled in his neck and I breathed the coolness of his skin, not realizing the effect of my warm breath on it until he shuddered and gripped me tighter..
Can I show you something he spoke quietly so the words rumbled in his chest.
Is it terrifying I asked
A half grin this time, You better believe it is, and then he picked me up and we were running