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9:42 a.m. - 2010-02-17
the hardest part is naming the characters.
Eight years later and my heart still gallops when I read his emails... I saved every one he ever sent me... And I think about him a lot still.

It looks like Im not going to school next year. It makes more sense to wait another year so that Julianne will be in SR kindergarten and Dorian will be an extra year older for spending so much time at the sitters and at home with Mom/Linda/Patrick..

Im seriously considering welfare though... I cringe when I think of having to walk back in the doors at 10 Wright...

Maybe I should concentrate on proper spelling and punctuation on here eh? Better practice so that my edits don't take me fourteen years to complete.

Old emails and entries are really amazing fodder for the story though. So are random before sleeping moments, or shower moments when a character stomps on my foot or sashays into the room of my mind..

I'm definitely going to incorporate that boy with the rose tattoo into my story... Im being careful not to incorporate myself, although this boy is going to be a direct plucking from my brain of what the rose tatt guy was to me in 2002... and what I should have done is gone to him, considering eight years later and the reasons I had are all incredibly foolish and immature and teenage drama-ish

I've been reading and that is AMAZING inspiration... even better then reading Twilight and thinking this is terrible I could write this..

So Im reading and reading and making friends with authors, (the published kind) and MY GOD I am totally suited to this profession....
Im already neurotic, so that's not a worry. Im so empathetic its almost a disease. and I have a wicked imagination, that I have little control over.

I should type out Dorian's birth story, since its been two months and its already getting blurry...

Im writing up my app for a passport, and my deposit is in for Cuba. Its terrifying thinking about leaving my kids with Patrick and his sis and his mom for seven days and leaving the country during this long period of time... I let my mom know that I might have to be slightly drunk the entire time so that I dont lose my shit.

Turns out I will have a room to myself, so I can get totally stinko and not have to worry about my mom listening to me puke in the early hours...

The plane rides are going to be very bad. Just because we are all riding together, and Ive been watching Lost lately... so I can easily see a plane plummet out of the sky and we are all on the same one, so there's the majority of my family dead. And my kids left with their Dad for the rest of their lives.

My mom is giving up food for Lent. She's drinking Ensures and writing in a food diary....... its going to be an ugly two weeks here, while she gets over that addiction....

Not sure where that is going to leave 'us'.. since Im still pissed at her for letting Julianne sleep wherever she damn well pleases at night (she chose Moms bed, with Mom), I understand that she doesnt want Julianne to ever ever cry but if she keeps this up she will have two kids in her queen size bed with her until they move out..

Oh, and I am now a total witch in my daughter's eyes because I make her stay in her room at night. She was crying and upset with me and started calling for my mom and screamed at me to get away from her... So I knocked on my moms door and told her that Julianne wanted her and went back to my room, sat on my bed and cried.

I eventually came downstairs and cried some more. It fucking sucks enforcing the rules on your own.

kk so back to passport application..



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