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8:10 p.m. - 2010-09-30
not writing, should be, but not.
He came over tonight, to see the kids?

Fucking HELLLLL..

Okay back up, start over.

He went to Toronto last night, some free Jays game, whatever. I dont care about stupid baseball game perks at the radio station and he hates baseball so bragging abotu ti to a nine month old so that I hear about it is just STUPID. Anyways. He bought Dorian a hat, because Dorian is always trying to take off his hat.. he didnt realise that Dorian is just exploring and now won't care about Patricks hat because he has his own BUT ANYWAY, he had a cup for Julianne? I dunno its this monster thing that has the history of the Skydome on the side..

He calls me last night to tell me this, from Toronto. And he's turned off his Ice Queen jackassery that he's been doing since July.. so Im worried. He asks to see the kids and I agree, thinking that we might actually be able to have civilized conversation?! amazing.

But noo, he came here because he wanted to know what I was doing tomorrow. He kept leaving Dorian alone in the livingroom, and then sitting on the stairs as clsoe to ME as possible, adn then started followingme around the apartment, as I tried to do something and let him have time with his kids.. yeah. bullshit. I was so frustrated with him. He hardly sees the kids anymore and he spent about 30 min in the livingroom before he started wandering around my apartment with Dorian trailing behind him, so I had to pick the baby up all the fucking time to keep him out of the kitchen and the bathroom and the stairs and then I would end up with the baby in my arms staring at the back of patrick or worse having Patrick ask me what I was doing Firday night.

(sidenote: "What are you doing tomorrow night? Wanna watch some movies?" Is code for I'm super horny and Ive convinced myself that you are too, so yeah, lets do this tomorrow night. BUT if I call him on the hornysex part, he says Im crazy and that he just wants to spend time with me is that a bad thing? and it gets alllll turned around on me. Like Im the bitch for assuming all he wants is sex... and what ends up happening? he shows up and rips my clothes off and we might get to the movie an hour later, or more. Because its not just whambamthankyoumaam, its how many positions can I contort you into before you suck me off because youre sore and exhausted and bored? Not to mention the part where you thought that we might have a night of just ENJOYING EACH OTHERS COMPANY WITHOUT SEX.
Ahem, sorry. Apparently I'm bitter about that shit.)

So I said No. and he said why? And I looked at him with an eyebrow raised and siad because you dont like me much, and he kept pushing and I kept giving him little answers and TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS in between . He's apparently incapable to notice that when Dorian crawls out behind him towards the stiars its abig deal and when he tries to put his arm around me I freaked out because Dorian was heading to the stairs and he said OH and turned around. but he didnt try to touch me again.. goddamnit.

Anyway. He asked about the lawyer after that. In between me trying to leave him in the livingroom with the two kids, yeah I told him I had one. lied about the name and how close I was to getting th retainer together. whatever.
and then he asked if I had ever seen MadMen and wanted me to watch some episodes, said he could bring his PS3 over and I said NO. why? because you don't like me. Says who? Me.

And he kept hanging around. I fed the kids supper, or tried to. Juli didnt eat with her dad hanging out in the kitchen with us.. I was pretty irritated by then, so that's probably why, Dorian didnt eat much either.. started gagging half way through.. I really hope my kids arent so tuned to me...

No you know what? Im hoping this fyucking court case gets DONE. Im sick of this. He's come over twice and I HATE IT. I don't want him HERE. THis is MY house, FUCK OFF!

but no, i dont say that, because I have two little kids, and I dont want to freak them out, or deny them seeing their dad.


k i just spent some time watching comedians make asses out of hecklers.. I feel better.



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