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11:06 p.m. - 2010-10-30
c'est l'halloween
I was crying over dishes tonight, the kind of cry where your whole body goes on fire and the tears pour down your face to put it out.. and then you feel light headed and a little loopy for a while after..

I figured out that a Muse is really just an imaginary friend, which makes me feel a little better about him stomping on my hands everytime I go to write..

He's waiting for me to get less stressed before I start up writing 1000 per day. I'm not participating in NaNoWriMo this year, I'll wait until July and see if I can do that one..

Im still trying to get all of the Flylady shit down.. mostly because I hate cleaning, so if I can break this down into 15 per day, I'd rather do that then frantically clean for a day or an hour before people come over... And getting rid of the clutter up here Im not as surrounded by boxes, which is good, since our dryer quit, so I need the space to set up the rack to hang clothes on, and now I really do have to wash a load every day, trying to fit more than that on the rack is, uh, tricky..

So yeah, I cleared space, only to have a rack fill it, but Im still moooving ahead... all of my cds are now out of boxes for the FIRST TIME since I moved out of my DADS HOUSE!
And myyy dearrr goddd I have a lot of shit cds.. and a lot of burned ones that Id like to d/l the songs again, cuz the quality of the burnt cds is shit now that I have played the shine off of them...

Specially the one Josh made for me...

I think Im going to listen to halloween on stereomood for the next six months// brings me past the fustercluck that is christmas and into that dead time before spring when everyone gets morbid and no one asks me why I wear black all the time..

(honestly, Its EASY, Im not some halfhearted Gothgirl, Im just frackin LAZY! have I said this before?? ah well, it bears repeating..)

I'm still dreading going back to the office, to unknown bosses and coworkers.. it blows that I lose my unit..

Im reading voraciously to ignore how few days I have left, That and just looking at my goober boy.. His hair is still soo blonde and sweeet.. and his eyes are soo blue.. my little viking spawn..

Im debating calling him Thor... he really does act like a viking most of the time yelling and grunting and slamming his fists to make noise..

Aaaand he makes the adorable ooo! ooo!! noise that Juli used to make, his little mouth in a perfect O, its funny..

And he has 'arguments' with Juli, and me sometimes but mostly Juli, She will say something to him, and he shakes his head 'No' and she laughs and laughs and says something else and he shakes his head again. They go on and on and he just shakes his head and smiles his devilish grin and she laughs and laughs and almost falls off her chair laughing at him..

Had some good moments with Juli today too, most of the time she's too tired to play with me, or notice when Im acting like an idiot but today it was pretty good.. I dont remember precisely but she was sitting on my bed beside me, and I was reading and she was 'reading' her book, and started asking me silly questions and I gave silly answers..

I don't want them to grow up.. but I doooooo... I just miss my life, that's all.

k, neither kid has woken up yet (knock on wood!!) so Im going to go crash, right after a few songs and a game of spider solitar.. because thats the extent of my reallife weekend excitement, Im also reading Jim Butcher FINALLY and fuck, i will never be able to write like him.. but this is the 5(?) book in the series (yeah Im retarded sometimes and jump in at the middle) SO Im hoping the first book is a little more suckage.... then I wont feel so bad and Ryk will maybe stop jumping on my fingers and let me write a word or two...



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