11:09 p.m. - 2011-02-09
it really hurts. You have no idea what you need a muscle/joint for until it sends ice picks of pain around and around and you cringe when you think of using it..
moved the cabinet down stairs that have a right angle turn in them, and a tiny square landing, the size of two steps. yeah. Thats when I fucked up my wrist. BUT if I woulda called mom to help? she would be the one in pain right now, so its alright.
after I let the cabinet slide err, okay. I dropped the fucking thing down the last three steps and it toppled until it was standing upright again.
I dont have ANY fucking bruises, which still pisses me off.. I used to have to get cleats ground into my leg for ANYTHING to show up when I played rugby.. and apparently its the same now, because my right wrist is burning, burning, SPIKE OF PAIN, burning.. and there isnt a goddamn mark on it,, theres some swelling, but i doubt anyone else would see it, i just know because of my tattoos, Ive investigated my wrists MUCH more than other people (Iassume) and yeah.. so.
If anyone has broken a bone, lemme know if this is what it feels like, pain to pick up a coffee mug (empty one) and spike of pain when I try to bend my wrist, or grip anything... I can't squeeze water out of a cloth with my right hand but I can type... i am avoiding capitols tho.. cuz I turn my hand, bending the wrist sideways and it hurts,
im moving my entire hand to hit the backspace.. my desk is so not ergonomic, no wonder i have a gdamn hunch back..
cold pop can feels AMAZING, as does the 400 advil immitation pain killer floating through my brain..
Laura took me out to dinner.. aww.. yeah she had steak and I had a salad haha.. no it was a chicked ceaser, so it was ridiculous.. I admitted to her my psychosis when juli was one year.. err.. her entire first year... you know when I had The Plan. And was horribly fucking imbalanced. So bad I could make a plan to off myself and my kid and calmly think about it every day, while simultaneously smoking my brains out and letting her cry for twenty minutes at a time..
You know what broke that? Some random thought that flitted into my head after I was thinking about The Plan again.. and it went "Don't let him win."
You know what I did after that? I started packing my shit. 6 weeks later I was moving out. 5.5 weeks longer than I wanted to spend there, but some dreams take a long slow painful death. PLus it took a while for me to look in the mirror without wanting to kill myself.. so yeah.
Nothing like shackin up with a psychic vampire for two years... yeeeeah... am i finally away from it enough to admit all this? s'pose so.
Maybe this is what the FRO is sitting up there waiting for.. haha. right.
k, back to my regularily sched tetris/ jay and silent bob get old podcast...
yeah, 27. Thanks for comin around. Almost didn't make it there for a couple, but I did.