12:08 p.m. - 2011-02-12
The guy (who I had a mild crush on new years long ago when I spent it with my brother and his friends? yeah him) finally posted his pics of my brother's wedding in Cuba, from June.
And I must completely and utterly disagree with everyone.. my hair short looks fucking awful.. its all just moooonface, with nothing to distract you from it.. So I guess its not the hair, but my face...
So yes, another collage called 'thinspiration' on my hard drive.. only this one? yeah, this one is the worst.. because of allll the pictures of me in Cuba, there's not ONE where I look normal or even halfway like I think I look in my head. My hands are even looking fat to me, and thats starting to terrify me a little
Its the swing shift baby.. Im listening to Smodcast, and Kevin Smith, every time he says the word fat, I think of how hard it was to get the belt done up on the plane to Cuba. And how I panicked and cried (silently of course, kind of like now) and I tried as hard as I could and had a bruise from the buckle..
Just that feeling of panic and terror, and humiliation at having spent four hours in the airport waiting for the plan only to get kicked off and have to go home and get off in front of all these friends of my brothers and have to miss his wedding and and and
yeah, I want that feeling to hit me in the gut when Im grocery shopping, or cooking, or thinking about going through a drivethru...
I'm debating getting a tattoo on my hand.. you know, like writing on your hand in school so you didn't forget? I want something that is reminescent(sp) of a plane on the back of my thumb pad.