9:19 p.m. - 2013-01-15
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I'm alright. Not re-reading previous entries because that tends to make me crazy so here goes.
I missed a dose on Friday, but one of my tumblrbabes spent Sat/Sun with me, so that's been holding me together while my own self wants to eat shit food until I curl up into a ball and die..
I've got more money than I know what to do with right now. AKA I'm actually in the black this month by about $600. Apparently having a separate account that money goes into that you don't have direct access to is a really good thing...
So is a $500 christmas present from concerned parent and step-parent.
I'm debating saying FUCK IT and just flying out to WPG for my birthday weekend... debating the pros and cons of driving for 20+ hours, taking four days off work instead of two, a hotel in the middle of that so I can sleep (unless I just park on the side of the road or something... hmm.. that's the irrational behaviour manifesting, never mind, just ignore that bit)
BUT plane tix are going to be about $500. And I wont have a vehicle while I'm there. I have issues with not having my own vehicle. It's totally a control thing and it shouldnt be an issue when Im going to visit YOU of all people but I think it's just the ~brand new place~ thing and my desire to have an escape route at all times..
I'll work on it okay? At this moment though, I'll just say I'm flying and then I'll stuff the rest of this shit down and keep taking my pills and it'll be fine.
So. I have the pills for sorting out my head. And I'm working on sorting out my attic (aka my room / storage room / dumping room for everything I don't know what to do with and everything that's broken)
I've got my routine. And months and months to work on sticking to it. My pants are already falling off again, which is a good thing. After the kidney stone debacle I was afraid I wouldn't ever stop eating ever again.
At least I know what it feels like.. so I know what's happening and I don't have to freak out about it being something 'serious'. (Not that kidney stones aren't serious, I mean they hurt a FUCKLOAD and doctors tend to 'script you a ton of drugs and whatnot)
J's waiting for me to read her a story, so this is about all the update you're getting.
Once I actually get my camera working I'll make a vid and link it on here to shame me into sticking to my routine and getting shit cleaned up around here.. I'm hoping to do that Friday (the vid, not the clean up. the clean up will literally take months...I'll show you why in the vid okay.)
Sometimes I feel like I've spent a huge chunk of my life typing walls of text into these boxes. And I really have.
Not sure what I would have done without the internet.. not sure I really want to know.
87% sure it would have entailed me lighting this life on fire and driving away, never to be heard from again.
