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10:40 p.m. - 2018-08-27
everything's gonna be alright, rockabye, rockabye
I'm trying to think of things to write about, but all i can think about is getting my own sewing machine, and blondening my hair so that i can colour it blue and green and .. well blue and green mostly.

Ive done dark colours all my life because I don't trust myself to bleach my hair on my own, or the hairdressers either considering how terribly they botched basic black with blue on top so many times) but crackers that shit costs $100 in the cheapo salon, and $75 at the hairdressing school.

I'm thinking of asking my friend (who did hairdressing school years ago) to bleach it for me, but she's got so many allergies to the chemicals (which is one of the reasons she's not hair dressing now) so i feeeel like an assshole to even ask.

I should just wait until Sep 20th, go down to the school and get them to do it. But I don't want to wait that long.. I want blue in my hair first, then switch to purple for the wedding.. and the wedding is on Sep 29th, sooo if the school fucks it up then I'll have to shave my head for the wedding. OR dye it dark. I'd probably just try dyeing it dark. and then if that doesnt work I'd shave it.

Mohawks are more fun if I can dye it unnatural colours.. but, my hair is to dark.AND if I dye it dark now, and then try to bleach it later, it'll never bleach out and I'll end up with orange hair.. which.. that could be okay too.. but not for $75..

I'm going to let this idea percolate some more. there's a simple plan here, one that doesnt involve asking my dad for more money (because I feel relatively certain that the $100 at the cheapo salon might do the trick, there's enough tattoo clad women there now who must have tried bleaching at some point and know what they e doing..)

Oh yeah and the sewing thing is goign well enough. I'm getting enough hours in that I'm figuring out how to keep the needle both on the fabric and also not so far from the edge of the fabric as to waste 1/4 of it.. my edges are a little wack.

The lady forgot to cut a bunch of the fabric, which.. okay but I don't know what the blankets or eye masks or any of this stuff is supposed to look like, so the ones that I cut are only going to be a copy of the stuff she already gave me.. and my anxiety is Not Dealing Well with that.

I want my own machine, one that's clean, with a manual I can read and reread. But they are so expensive, and material is expensive, BUT I could gather clothes from goodwill or that other second hand store.. ... bleh. I just added two on my amazon wishlist to remind me of this skill I'm learning now and maybe some day I'll be able to get one of them.. especially since my kiddo learned how to work one at my moms last week, so really it's an investment in the future of our family.

ESPECIALLY if I can figure out a way to make money at this and not just as an assistant to someone who's got so much going on she can't remember if she cut the fabric for her newbie sewing assistant.

I found an old gift certificate for a pedicure at a place in town, it's at least two years old, almost three. The pedicure it lists isn't on their product list anymore, and I should just throw it out, but.. it's like throwing away literal money, I can't seem to bring myself to do it.
Or I could, ya know, take a deep fucking breath and go in to the place and ask them about whether they can still honour it or not. I could do that too if my anxiety wasn't already digging it's claws into my skull just thinking about it.
Maybe next week once the kiddos are back in school..

One of my favourite youtube channels is a vlog channel (WhatImDoingRightNow) and he's basically having a break down.. his company is.. not exactly failing but not doing as well as he had hoped by now and he tied up a lot of his financials in the company's potential to grow, and a lot of his plans are crumbling around him..and it's really hard to watch (and there's only been one vlog addressing this openly, the rest have just had little snippets of the true stress he's under trying to hold this all together)

I think the reason why it's so gutting, is because his company makes beautiful, quality stuff. Like really goddamn wonderful stuff.. even the vlogs are usually documentary movie level of production. And he treats his employees as well as he can, and bought a house so his employees could move closer to Montana to work and.. he's a good boss.

I'm going to buy a lotto ticket tomorrow. And if I win, I'm bank rolling Synema Studios. And buying a sewing machine lol, Among several hundred other things. Walmart owns half the continent while tim hortons owns the other half.. why can't a business that makes beautiful cinematic things not thrive !!



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