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11:15 p.m. - 2018-09-05
rain makes everything better
Evening darling.

We made it through the first two days of school. My nighthawk tendencies are making mornings brutal and I need to get a handle on that soon.

Im hoping to get to bed before 1200 tonight.

Dad is going with the Sewing lady to check out a used sewing machine that may or may not be worth the $25 being charged for it..

I imagine it's going to come home with them and migrate it's way to my apartment for me to fight with. I'm trying to keep an open mind, but it's just too likely that this is an absolute piece of shit machine and a waste of time. But it's not my money or time to go get it so...... *shrug

Mom's coming over tomorrow to restart our weekly thursday lunches, also we might be going to a second hand store? Or maybe mom forgot about saying that.. sometimes it's hard to keep straight the stuff that's remembered and forgotten. Plans over top of other plans..

After 34 years I think I'm finally getting a hold on my period. Why the fuck did it take so long? Because I was just using tampons and did not give a fuck about my body in general... and now that I'm trying to love my body more, and inhabit it more, and live in the moment more, well it turns out that it's not such an unpredictable mess of a flesh machine after all.

It's predictable, possibly right down to the hour but absolutely down to the day (unless I have a wonky month again like May) I'm trying to keep track for a year and see if it's stays like this, if the days themselves progress like this regardless of when it comes.. that's one thing about a menstrual cup, it makes you really personal with this particular function, which is okay for me, except that I obsess over it a little bit and start wanting to ask the other uterus having darlings in my life very personal questions about their periods..

I won't though. I won't ask. Because it's not talked about at all really, just in passing when giving out tampons or tylenol or whatevre.

The rains started a couple hours ago. It's so so good I could cry. I hate all this stupidly hot weather. I overheat so easily now.. I almost can't believe that there was a time when I wore jeans all summer long.. because I can't even touch denim when it's 40+ outside and Im indoors, in air conditioning.

Still haven't had a hydro bill with the AC on it yet.. I'm hoping it's not astronomical, but.. if it is.. so be it. I can't survive the heat without a cool dark place to hide.

I think I'm going to turn off my computer tonight, so I canhear the rain on my basement bedroom window..



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