Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

10:39 a.m. - 2018-09-09
campfires are wonderful
We went out to the farm yesterday and entertained the doggos, had some supper and then went to watch my bro and sis in law play roller derby.

Ive hugged all three of my brothers this week, which is unusual except around christmas. I'm hoping for more time to be spent with them going forward. I've got things in motion sort of to make that a reality. The Ex's family is so supremely fucked up and has been such a constant presence in my kiddos lives that Im starting to wonder if it's twisting the kiddos ideas of how a family should treat each other, and act in general. So the more crazy that family gets (the family that my kiddos are actually named, godfuckingdamnit) the more I want them to hang out with my family so at least they know what it feels like to be with people that aren't so twisted up they lash out at each other and treat each other like shit all the time.

Youngest has a hard time remembering what my brother's names are, and he's turning 9 in a couple months, so that gives an idea of how often we have hung out with any of them at any time in the past 8 years (like twice a year, and usually it's with all my brotehrs at the same time, which is why Youngest is confused on who's who.)

I'd like to know what my bros are up to, see them at least once a month. I know for the oldest that'll be the hardest since he doesn't live in town and also spends every waking moment doing derby things, which are also usually out of his town, even farther from where the kiddos and I are.
And the practices aren't for spectators, and the bouts usually have a door fee.. but if I pay more attention to when/where/price on facebook, I should be able to get the kiddos and I to more bouts at least.

The recent start to a D&D campaign takes care of the younger two brothers (as well as having both of them live in the same town that we do), although I imagine enthusiasm for that will wain a bit.. luckily I'm an annoying older sister so I can continue to ask them about getting together to play ad nauseum hehe. And also the Eldest loves it, so that's in my favour also, it's not just me asking then, it's their 12 yr old niece asking mwahaha.

I've already started worrying about what happens once I reach the end of the book though, for this D&D campaign, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Maybe I'll be able to get the bros to pitch in $10 each for the Dungeon Master's Guide book thing.

Anyway, today I met up with Sewing lady and got more blankets to sew, as well as the stuff she forgot to include. Also some vaguery about getting the blankets done first (by Tuesday), so that's what I'll be working on tomorrow while the kiddos are in school.

My period is still kicking my ass, so I'm not going to try and sit and sew today. We've got more farm hanging out to do, to keep the dogs from going crazy when they are cooped up in the house alone, so I'm thinking of starting a campfire in the pit in the backyard to keep warm and letting the dogs hang out with me outside, and the kiddos can decide if they want to be outside with me and the dogs or warmer inside where they have to wait for netflix to take it's sweet time to load on the farm wifi.

My own wifi is randomly being throttled to complete shit today.. and I don't know why. I'm tired of paying $65 a month for shit that continually gets throttled.. Ive been told the company doesn't throttle, but all of the network that they use is owned by their competitor (the joys of trying to support the local company, you end up supporting the big asshole companies anyway) and they don't know if the competitor has the ability to throttle the service. They shouldn't but, ya knoow, they own/run the network, so, computers and stuff eh? ha ha haaaaa

The neighbours/landlords, neighlords? landbours? I'm still trying to come up with a name for them that doesnt include the whole "yes they are my upstairs neighbours but they are also my landlords which is why Im asking them about the dripping sink" explanation. Almost two years in and I haven't figured that out yet. Anyway, they have mentioned something to Eldest about sharing wifi, since their signal goes right through my whole place and they apparently never get throttled ever.

But they've only had that conversation with Eldest so I don't know if I can just text them and ask? Yes, of course I can... sometimes I swear Anxiety puts this filter over the most mundane shit, so that I can't think it in my brain without the nebulous terrified feeling associated with it, and then I say it to someone else, or write it down and look at it and that takes the anxiety filter off and I go Oh. Of course this is a super simple task wtf was my brain on about.

It's 11:06am, I'm going to sign in to warcraft to play for an hour while I finish my coffee and wait for my stomach to settle after breakfast, then we'll head out tot he farm so I can set things on fire and knit in warmth in the outdoors.



previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!