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2:14 p.m. - 2019-12-05
fkn never know what to title these
Welp. So much for writing here regularly huh.

I remembered the pw though so I think I deserve points for that. ha.

The background outside this box is teal now. Matches my hair in the washed out places.

I spend a lot of my time on tumblr now. But almost none of it is personal. I mean if you read everything I reblogged and stored it in your brain under a picture of me then it would be, but for all the people that scroll through, they wont match it up if they follow more than a few dozen people.

So doing a text post on tumblr is more literally screaming into the void, whereas dland is sending a carrier pigeon to everyone that's listed me.

And then I talk to C. And tell him everything when I'm freaking out about something. which is probably why I completely forgot to come back here for a year. not the whole reason but, if I have someone to talk to I don't tend to come back here...

So things have gotten drastically better, financially. C isn't at all afraid of terrible financial decisions and he paid off all my debts for me. I think I'm still in shock to be honest. I used to check my credit score every week, watching is sloooowly climb.. up? down? which way is it supposed to go? (I haven't checked it in a while, once I realized that it's not really going to change for 3-4 years, once those debts fall off)

it's not that terrible a decision I guess, i just, I can't figure out how to pay him back, and he accepted that before he even did the thing.

I did put up wards at his place, but it's been so long since I did them somewhere I dont live that I'm not sure how well it'll work. Just have to wait until next summer to find out for sure.

Dad's annoyed that I'm spending so much energy on the wards, apparently his ex-wife/best friend texted him about how I was glowing a little too bright from the effort. And when you shine like a beacon you attract all kinds of ... floaty negative bits. At least I know I'm doing ~something. I have to shield like a mofo, suddenly it's like I'm walking around with infrared goggles on and there's a lot of dark blotches. I dont ever talk about this stuff with anyone. It sounds insane. I dont even talk about it with Dad much, because I feel like that's a rabbit hole I dont want to go down with him.I got one stuck on me a few weeks ago and it took a couple days to shake it. Might be all in my head but, really, isn't everything?

Anyway, because of the money thing, now I can do things like sign up for GoodFood, and actually eat a green vegetable once a week. The prep is still rough but at least I can spend 5 min picking what I want to be delivered and then it magically shows up in abox in perfect proportions, which means I don't have to grocery shop or stand in front of the fridge trying to put something together.
Not that this was the goal or anything, but my hips aren't as wide as they were in August (measuring by how I used to get stuck in the waiting room chair and this week I didn't even have to think about it when I got up)

I'm still working delivery. I like the job, but the place I work for.. they don't seem to understand the need to get everyone working as a team? So many of the dummies that work there like to answer requests with "That's not my job." Like motherfucker I know it's not listed in your job manual but could you empty the garbage bin that you yourself have filled please so we dont end up with an ever expanding trash pile where the fucking bin used to be?? that people trip over?? and is 100000x more work for me at the end of the shift?? If I'm expected to shovel the walkways and wash and vacuum the car I drive, and and and, you can bloody well change your garbage when it gets full in the mifddle of a shift !

You know, stuff like that. I don't mind actually delivering, that's easy. I drive around and listen to audiobooks or podcasts or music, and get to see inside people's homes for a fraction of a minute, and have interaction with strangers again, which is good. If I had my way I'd be a hermit in this hobbit hole and then going anywhere would be an ordeal.

whoops this isn't locked, so i spose i should take names out eh.........



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