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9:41 a.m. - 2020-01-05
See I'm afraid to love, but afraid to be alone
sometimes the pain i feel makes me think of random moments in movies

like the steamroller scene in roger rabbit, or the... dip into the... the barrel of whatever it was that melted toons.

i finished You are a Badass, and it was good all the way through. I decided the vortex is a seriously good name for the energy of the universe, for God, so Imma call it that now

the vortex and the void. yin and yang, white flame and dragons... ugh my memory

i have work today, 12-6, groceries to pick up afterwork (the $5 fee to have someone wander the store, find, gather and bag my groceries for me is worth every penny and I adore it)

kiddos go back to school tomorrow. ive got two more meals to make, and a bunch of dishes to do. im finishing my coffee, putting in my menstrual cup, and getting to the dishes and meal making.

alllll the christmases are done now, so i can slowly start recovering my apartment from the christmas madness. and also do sometjhing with the two bags of presents that i found from last year !

im trying not to smoke until whatever ph is off in my mouth sorts itself out, individual tastebuds keep inflaming. so i havent bought another pack like i normally do, it pisses me off after work when i want my routine of smoking on the way home but i forgetabout it again when i get home. its a weird routine, smoke on the way to work, smoke on the way home, but nothing any other time.

im mulling over my plan for the year, my plan of kondoing the whole apartment starting with my room. but i dont have enough space to gather all the things in the categories, and not enough time/energy to go through all the things in a single go. Or even gather them all in a single go? I think I have to go back to my original thing of picking up each thing and figuring out where it goes, and then when that spot where im putting those things fills up, then i take a break and look at all the things and go really? really you need all of these things?? and then i can get rid of some of them. I think of it as an adhd style of kondoing, since Im getting to the point where I cant remember the things I have unless I see them all in one place. because I think ive gotten rid of stuff thats still in this goddamn apartment cuz my memory is so unreliable.

Something occured to me last night as I was lying in bed, I have a spot to set up an easle and painting things, I just happen to be storing bins of random crap in that spot right now, so if i go through the bins, which have been there for a year at least and i should throw away everything in them really, and then use the bins for youngest's toys to give him smaller chunks of his room to go through, and then I can have a spot to paint ! and also see my monitor, so i could paint while watching critical role or whatever thing im binging at the time..

but, uh, no easel to use unless i ask Eldest for his. but i dont think he uses it so maybe he'd be okay with that. or maybe i could get my own regular size easel to sit on the floor... maybe maybe.

im going to look up drop sheets, or what I could use for drop sheets, maybe i'll just use one of the 1000000 old sheets i have heh

actuallly that could work, when it gets too full of paint/dust i could just throw it out and replace it with another of the 10000000 sheets...

this could fucking work !



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