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11:02 p.m. - 2020-04-24
rainymood is making me drowsy
I should be in bed

Work was fine, went to the apartments attached to the place with the official 'outbreak' in town. I dunno if they are calling it an outbreak, as it's less then 20 people out of 60 that have it, and about 12 workers.. 3 have died I think?

There are too many numbers floating around in my head.

Transformer toy and giant bag of M+Ms aaaand Suckerpunch came in the mail from amazon, still waiting on the two finger pulse oximeters i ordered *before*, so all that shit about prioritizing health supplies appears to be garbage. But, I mean, probably they don't mean health supplies to individual households right, probably they mean shipping ppe for the government... or at least thats what im assuming. Even though Canada Post could likely ship the PPE better than amazon but whatever what do i know about shipping logistics.

I just wish the oximeters would get here soon. it's a thing both my gramma and mom should have, with their heart/lung issues.

Eldest keeps opening his window and argues with me about it. So we've compromised, his door to his room is to remain shut if his window is open. so at least Im not heating the whole goddamn world.
I'm trying not to argue with the kids about shit like that, because it doesnt matter really, it doesnt make a big difference to my heating bill because my apartment is mostly underground, and the patio door is all kinds of leaky, theres a constant draft from that door anyway

But I want them to think about it? I know I overcompensate by considering every little thing from every angle and they are kids and kids are selfish and short sighted because they are kids

I guess Im just in the broken record phase, where I repeat myself on a daily basis, same things, over and over and over again and I just have to keep doing that... with as much patience and care as I can muster, and understand that because Im so incredibly lax about everything they are obvi going to rebel and argue with me about showering and brushing their teeth and leaving their window open because there's not much else to rebel at? I mean I say yes to pretty much any hairbrained plan they come up with, any hair style, any clothes, any let's take it apart to see what's inside idea. let's mix these two wildly different flavours together and dump the whole bottle of whatever it is into a giant bowl and fuck yeah lets try to make it into something edible.

I think a lot of it has to do with reinforcing that their father's iron grip on the household isn't the only way to exist in the world. Breaking down the idea that this is the adult's house, instead of the families home..

I repeat that a lot too, this is your house too! I want you to be comfortable in it! If you dont like something, talk to me and we'll get rid of it, or if i like it enough to keep it i will move it into my room!

the whiplash emotions have gotten better since school isn't a thing anymore, but I have not at all moved any direction with the trans stuff.
At least I have a printer now, so I can print relevent documents, and make a list of all the ducks i need to have rowed before i can tackle health cards and birth certs. I've got 5ish months here, because likely the schools wont open up again until Sept.. so maybe I can make that work. Force myself to read everything I need to read. I have the money now to do it, and he has stuck with the same name for almost 18 months so the concern i had about him changing his mind on his name appears to be unfounded. But I'll ask again a couple times before i submit the paperwork...

oh i didn't end up napping this aft, i did the dishes instead, cooked some bacon for BLTs for lunch/supper, washed a load of laundry, went to work, switched the laundry when i got home, now it's done in the dryer and i should be in bed, if not sleeping then futzing around on my phone while waiting for sleep to catch up with me

k im going to catch up on entries, then go to bed. Promise.



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