12:16 p.m. - 2020-06-04
not enough
I think the headaches Im getting are partially from lack of sleep, and partially how my body is letting go of the anxiety buzz and the constant anger, both usually centered ni my torso..
I want to hang out with my family, I want to hear them say with their voices what they are doing to protest racism and the bullshit that is happening.. and what they plan to do in our own country and province against the racism and bullshit here..
I want to hear that they are reading the books im recommending and I want to read the books with them and talk about it, work through our ingrained biases and recognize when we're being shits.
I want to share meals together, have coffee, and just hang out with the few friends i have left. Let my kids see some kids their own age....
im so tired of trying to process this alone, or through some lagging and choppy zoom calls..
Being at Dad's yesterday just hit so hard, because it was so good to see him and have a drink in memory of Steve but it's just so fucking hard because he's so alone and I have to remember to text him and call him and make plans and Im so shit at that.
Im so much better in person, and we can sit and talk and I can listen and see your face clearly and your body language..
I cant connect with my people through a phone call, or a text, or a zoom screen. Im just not good at clearly communicating without body language cues I guess.
Makes me feel like shit for C, because text is all he gets from me 99% of the time. Hope it's enough..
