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8:08 p.m. - 2020-06-12
I cancelled my surgery appointment. Surgeon says it'll take one to two weeks to recover, but two out of three people I've talked to said it took them six weeks to recover. OR nurse said 4-8 weeks to recover.

So, that was it. I cancelled it, told them to put my name at the bottom of the list and I'll sort my own self out until I can figure out how to get the time off work without making my kids and I homeless.


Im getting overwhelmed, my head keeps going under and I've got a constant tension headache.

I'm trying to hold on to C so he can come out of the '2009 youtube eye opening journey' that a great many people went on, that he's going on now, but im trying to keep him from falling into the white supremist trick.

hes pretty much ticks all the boxes for the kind of people that get recruited, and I know he's smarter than that but it's the rage thats constantly boiling under our skin with no outlet..

Ive got a tension headache all the time lately, go to bed with one, wake up with one,

i dunno, like i have all these strings attached to me and I have to keep themfrom falling onto the ground and Im just barely keeping up.

A box of disposable masks costs $80. for 50 masks. Im waiting for the 6 material ones I bought to come in the mail, and trying to keep tabs on my mask, and each of my kid's masks, because i have a hook but they can't put the mask back on the hook

i lost my shit when youngest was just standing there going "I dunno where it is" and staring at me.

and I know I know I know that he has adhd and im trying to be patient and i apologized to him for snapping :Well LOOK for it, stop staring at me and LOOK".

some days im just drowning and I cant keep up.

im going to bed, and i'll rest for the remainder of the evening, and take my meds at 10, and wake up tomorrow at 715 and take more meds, and hopefully i wont feel so much like reheated garbage for my morning shift at work



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