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3:03 p.m. - 2020-06-16
Talked to Dad for forty min last night, up to and passed midnight. He wasn't able to sleep and was bombing around on facebook and saw the post I made when i was cranked up about the hospital staff not being on the same page for recovery times for my surgery

we tried to text but it wasn't working so I called him

he started off pissed off that I was prioritizing my job over my health, and so after he got out his upset feelings about how I'm treating myself, we talked about how I have two kids to support, and I was blind sided by the 8 weeks recovery thing and couldn't handle all of this in five days to make my original surgery date.

By the end of the conversation he volunteered to be my surgery buddy, and will take time off work if he needs to. He said he has a lot of medical leave available to him because he hasn't taken any in a long while and can take some to care for immediate family.

And also taht he would support me if I don't qualify for EI sick benefits. which I likely won't just because of my luck with that particular government support system.. and also not being able to get through to the CRA to have my account reset doesn't bode well for trying to do all of that electronically anyway.

And then it was passed midnight and I put youngest to bed but because he heard the whole conversation between my dad and myself he had 100 questions, so I stayed up answering them as best I could

AND FUCKING THEN my ex sent me a fb message, saying that some dementia thing sounds like his dad. which is my ex-speak for Hey doesn't this sound like how my dad is acting lately and what next steps should I take as the executor for his will and as his first born child who is also the only child his dad has that still talks to him?

C is going through some garbage with the vet clinic he goes to. and I just,

would it be easier if I talked more to them? Or checked in on them sometimes?

I'm trying so hard to support all the guys in my life that need support (I ignored ex's message for almost 12 hours, because at 1:30am I had nothing left and then forgot about the message until lunchish)

but my support tank is running empty. not that it was all that full to begin with, I know that part of the reason is I feel like garbage and part of that is my gallbladder and so

I have an appointment for a phone consultation with the surgeon on Thursday, and both my parents are holding me accountable to keep on track for this surgery no matter what kind of fuckery goes on between the hospital departments

because like dad said, I don't want to be trying to do this surgery thing next fall or winter, when we are trying to get back to normal with school routines and shit....

and if I end up losing my job, well, that's just what happens and I have options, even within my own town, to apply to with my knowledge of streets and shit. Other delivery jobs for sure, but even other pharmacy delivery jobs. where I dont have to carrry casses of pop or water, where everything is prepaid so i don't have to fiddle with the money or the debit machine.. etc.

guh i can't step out on the limb to do anything that benefits me without some gargantuan kick in the ass.

and that's probably anxiety related. And I still have a headache, and Im going to drink water and lie down for an hour before we have to go to Eldest's therapy appointment.

at the sound of the tone the time is 3:25pm



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