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11:21 a.m. - 2020-07-23
and just like that, july is almost over
All is well!

Surgery went fine, and i was a day away from being able to sit at my computer again when the tower turned off on it's own in the night and wouldn't turn back on....

Still not exactly sure what happened, but my brother carried the thing to his place and vacuumed the dust out and it works again, which is good because this pc is not even two years old yet

I've also discovered that after deciding that spending money on phone games wasn't a big deal, I've spent one thousand fucking dollars on the three games I play most over the past year-ish

Part of the problem is that all the prices are listed in the game as USD, so it seems like a small amount, when it's actually 1.5x more in CAD

BUT STILL that;'s a lot of fucking money I've dropped into fucking phone games for no goddamn reason whatsoever, so I'm not doing that anymore.

ALSO paypal, it looks like they have been charging the tiny $1.50 charges to both my bank account AND my credit card about half the time. So I've also stopped that non sense from happening anymore by changing the settings on paypal.

Good thing I have no social life to speak of, I don't go out to bars or anything, and only have Warcraft as my other frivilous monthly expense so I actually wasnt making myself deep in debt by doing this

It's just.. $100/month on phone games? $25/week? I need to pay attention to that and stop just flushing money into google's pocket.

The funny thing is it's cheaper than getting a large iced coffee every day from mickey d's, but when you see that Total Amount Paid on paypal it's like all the air is sucked out of the room

anywho, other news, my brother and his wife are moving to NB because she's sad. And uh, I'm not sure how that's gonna go but they made the decision after lockdown so at least it wont go tits up because of a fight between them...

I think it'll go tits up because she's a super social person and there's so few people where they are moving and they know absolutely no one, so shes goign to be so so homesick and regret it I think but hey what the fuck do i know, she comes to every family gathering so hung over she can't make conversation with anyone and just stares at her phone for hours and then tells my brother they have to leave

I think im just tired. I thought her and I could be friends, but, she already has so many friends that i always felt like i was intruding. and that feeling just kind of stuck, and i continue to feel that way whenever i talk to my brother too, because i know he's friends with all of her friends now..

And he tries to check in with me and have serious conversations and Im just like ??? we're in the middle of a family gathering, if there's shit wrong Im not going to start unpacking it here, so I just say Im good and everything is fine

but i feel like i missed my chance to be friends with that brother, because we fought a lot in grade school, ignored each other in high school until the very end, and then he went to college and i had babies and now that Im finally able to hang out again and maybe start building that relationship they are moving away

Like I wanted him to come to D&D and hang out with us ONE time, but he was always too busy with roller derby and wifes fam, and their friends, and I know this, so I don't even kn ow if I invited him to hang out with us

I should have tried harder to be a better sister



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