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12:26 p.m. - 2019-12-17
imagine accepting the truth

I'm not sure how great youngest's birthday was, he seemed okay but I worked 5-930, so i wasnt there for the cake, even though we did cake at my dads with him last thursday.

I'll have to submit a request in early Jan for both kiddo's bdays for 2020. Even though I will have to remind the owners and probably figure out scheduling myself, i dunno, maybe it will help.

Eldest discovered Demonia/New Rock boots, so he's talking about getting a job the moment he turns 14.
IF NOTHING ELSE I'll have accomplished the next gen getting to dress however they want to without ridicule.. even if Im super jealous and still want a pair of my own Demonias some day.

Christmas is coming together.. I've got a lot coming in the mail, and I need to pay for my meds too.. but I think I'll be able to put all the christmas stuff together.

The only thing left I need to get sorted is the picture frames that I told Dad about before I had any of the supplies to actually make them. So there's that. I might have the kids paint the frames I have already..... hey how the fuck is that for a brilliant goddamn idea.

Youngest wants us to put up the tree and christmas crap tonight after school, which will work I think. We have his christmas concert too, which is giving me a headache just thinking about. its always so so terrible, the sound is always fucked up, there's always assholes talking loudly to each other during the play's speaking parts (talking over elementary children trying to say their lines, it makes my blood boil), the principal makes a big speech before and after, the play picked is usually repetitive as fuck which makes it harder for the kids to learn their lines....

anyway. I dont have the patience/energy/carpentry skills to volunteer, it just makes me sad because there's no choir, and they only rehearse it for a couple hours a week for a couple weeks, and the sets aren't helped with? Like they fall over when the curtain moves? It's just.. so bad. I wish I had the energy to help.

I should be taking down halloween decorations, but neither kiddo seems to want them to come down? So maybe we'll start a nightmare before christmas kind of tradition for the whole apartment...

I need to gather up my lists for christmas and see if Ive forgotten anything super important.. but it doesnt make sense to do that until tomorrow when I can pick up all the packages and double check then..

im anxious already and my heart is starting to pound so instead of diving in to that right now, Im going to drink water, make coffee and a bagel, and breathe.



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