9:09 a.m. - 2008-06-25
Im seriously wondering what he is telling MY FRIENDS, that seem to be HIS FRIENDS now..
And I know that no one will stand up for me, not in that circle around the poker table, and not the people sitting on the couch either.. and I feel sick thinking about that..
They might look at each other, and bitch at each other later "Why didnt you say something?? Why didnt you??" But thats not very comforting.
Because you are all too scared to cause any drama, you will let him talk shit about me and laugh at me, and make me sound like a crazy fucking bitch, ...*edit, just in case.*
Last night I dreamed about a gathering and at the end of the night spooning with a bunch of guys and AG, and it was totally normal, the only faces I remember were AM and CM and JA and Rick Sharp(not quite sure why my mind decided to pull out him), but he ended up sleeping being me with his arm flung over my back.. and I remember talking to him in the dream and he was asking me when we all got so serious "I mean, serious spooning? where's the sex?" and I said "We've always been like this, there's never been sex."
I got the feeling MP was there although I never saw his face.
COMFORT. basically thats all Im looking for.. I just want to know if ALL of those people are on my side or if they think Im insane and they would rather hang out with him.
Judging by how my phone never rings, what else can I think?
I keep trying to gather AVW and TR and LLH(K), I keep trying to go out and get drunk with them.. Im trying to pretend that it doesnt bother me, and that I can have a fun and happy life without them..
ugh, i miss my friends.
In other news I think these pills are working. Not in a miracle way, but at least I will be able to look people in the eye at the bnd..
And by the clock, its breakfast time.
Aaand Im not going to talk about losing/lost friends anymore. because I just broke down pretty bad. And its only a few weeks until you come home and we can drink and smoke away all of this bullshit.. and maybe you can yell at them for me..