10:18 a.m. - 2008-08-05
He has finally realized what he did to me, and what a mess he has made of both of our lives. He wants to get back together, in order to 'fix us' and I am trying to keep him at arms length. He had his epiphany during one night with the other girl that he thought was 'his destiny', and there is still the one that he almost left me for. I love him, but I dont trust him. I cant trust him. Even if he shows me that he has broken off all communication with these girls, I will never know if he has others waiting in the wings, others I dont know about.
I doubt I will ever trust him again. If I ever fall in love with someone else, I don't know how I will trust that person either.
So I build my life around my daughter and my mother, and I hang on to that. And when I get lonely, and tired, I just sit outside my daughter's door and cry. And I hope I can be both parents to her ... I just hope and hope and hope. I fill my days with hope.