10:18 a.m. - 2008-08-05
comment on an article about emotional affairs.. that I didnt post.
My boyfriend was emotionally cheating on me the entire three years we were together. I didn't realise that is what it was until I caught him on the phone one night, ripping a shred off one of his two girls, because she had gotten herself a boyfriend. That opened my eyes, and if I didn't have a child with him, I would have left right then. A year later, I am living with my mother, next september I am finally going to university, and starting my life.
He has finally realized what he did to me, and what a mess he has made of both of our lives. He wants to get back together, in order to 'fix us' and I am trying to keep him at arms length. He had his epiphany during one night with the other girl that he thought was 'his destiny', and there is still the one that he almost left me for. I love him, but I dont trust him. I cant trust him. Even if he shows me that he has broken off all communication with these girls, I will never know if he has others waiting in the wings, others I dont know about.
I doubt I will ever trust him again. If I ever fall in love with someone else, I don't know how I will trust that person either.
So I build my life around my daughter and my mother, and I hang on to that. And when I get lonely, and tired, I just sit outside my daughter's door and cry. And I hope I can be both parents to her ... I just hope and hope and hope. I fill my days with hope.
