Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

12:15 p.m. - 2010-06-22
Im listening to Avenged Sevenfold, because a certain boy has a tattoo on the back of his neck (A7X) and duuuude, Im totally like crushing on him!!

Its weird. Patrick called me Sunday night, wanting me to talk to him, and tell him about my trip, and he talked about the kids a bit, and I could tell he had been crying. And he wanted me to tell him that I love him.

We talked for almost an hour, he cried almost the whole time. He admitted that he knows our breakdown was his fault, he admitted that Lisa and this whole Calgary thing was just 'an idea' and he wanted me to tell him how he can get me back, because he believes we are meant to be a family.

And I lit into him. I was Bitch incarnate. And I made him cry harder. I called him on all of his manipulations and mind games and explained to him that all of that shit destroyed what was left of my hope that we would be a family. I told him I could not live with him and that there was nothing that he could do to fix that. You cant fix a bridge that isnt fucking there.

So I did it. I didnt break down I stood up to him and had the conversation that was due to be had, now that all hope is gone.

And the best indication that I was right where I needed to be? He pulled the suicide card, and told me that there is nothing for him to live for. And I said Uh what about the two kids?

He didnt have anything to say except "No matter what happens, know taht I love you." And he was crying and crying and crying... and eventually said goodbye.

So for the record, Im not a heartless bitch, I cried too. But it was a bitter kind of laughing crying. Because he finally understood how much he has fucked us up and that there is no going back now. MINDGAMES DONT FUCKING WORK, they will backfire on you every single time..

So, about my cowboy distraction. He's got a ton of tattoos and wants more. And Ive facebook stalked him a little (his name is Josh Peer) OKAY Ive stalked him as much as I can without actually requesting to be his friend.. and since the only conversation we actually had was about how my mom decided that him and I should get married, well, it would have been horribly awkward if I hadnt decided to get drunk that night...

Anyways. I like Avenged Sevenfold. And not just because I have attached them to this guy. He said the only tattoo he regrets is the one on his neck, so Im guessing he doesnt like the new album or something.

whatevs. He's a nice little dream. And he's part of my brother's group of friends, so I may or may not ever see him again. But its nice that he wasnt just a random Cuba encounter.

k but I have to go pick mom up to do some things and then I have to disappear and fill out some paperwork to get Juli registered for school AND stay away from the house so the landlord can show it to some people.

32 days until we MOOOVE!!!



previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!