7:42 p.m. - 2010-11-19
SO. Now my dad has a life fucking coach coming to visit on Tuesday. He's PAYING FOR HER TO SPEND THREE HOURS WITH ME TO DISCUSS SUBSIDIES.
I'm so fucking pissed off I could spit blood.
I want to break something and scream. But I can't the kids would shit themselves and curl into fetal positions. So I cry. And grit my teeth. And call the fucking fool. And she wants to tell me about HOUSING and CHILD CARE subsidies.
She wants me to look into MOVING AWAY FROM MY MOM. and LOSING THE AMAZING SITTER I HAVE.
I'm not happy. She'd better come up with something else, otherwise I'll have to throw her out of my house.
I'd rather go on welfare, then move into subsidized housing with TWO CHILDREN UNDER 5. fuuuck.
I've seen the people that live there. My mom was the only person in her building that wasn't either a meth head or dumped there by families that couldn't give two shits about their elderly parents.
Shit got stolen if it was outside the door, it if was on moms balcony, if it was in her car.
I DON'T WANT A CAR IF I HAVE TO LIVE IN A DRUG RIDDLED SHITHOLE TO AFFORD IT.
So. I am going to sit with this woman. And I'm going to tell her my life story starting with when I made the decision to in a moment AND actually moved myself and Julianne out of the apartment in 8 hours. Seven and a half really, because we were packed up and gone. and All I did was call him. I remember that phone call and the terror. I have nightmares about it.
okay back to now, or tuesday morning. When I tell this woman that I need all the fucking confidence I can get. ANd losing my sitter, and moving into a shithole is not confidence boosting.
THE MAIN REASON I THOUGHT I WAS SCREWED, AND STARTED CRYING ON THE PHONE WAS BECAUSE MOM DIDNT SEEM TO WANT TO SHARE HER CAR ANYMORE.
Now she does. She saw my distress (which had turned into anger at that point) and let me know that she was willing to walk or take a cab home in the middle of the night in winter.
I really hope this fucking Kerri lady isn't expensive. I really hope my Dad understands that just because he can't use google to sort shit out mean I can't either.
Tuesday is going to be a rough fucking day.
Oh, and I drove my car home from the *&($*$& Honda dealership. I miss my car. I hadn't driven it AT ALL in the past year.
Lemme repeat that. TWELVE MONTHS and a BABY. And my feet and hands knew exactly what to do. I didn't stall out once. NOT ONCE.
I fucking miss my car.
I fucking hate that my Dad is suckered into these bullshit peoples.. shit.
I think, I'm going to spend the weekend looking up subsidies.....