9:08 p.m. - 2011-01-15
I'm blaming it on two things:
Apparently EI isn't taxed the same as regular income, so despite making 60% as much as last year, Im going to get less than 50% of the tax return I got last year.... aaand I know that this means I got to keep more in my bank account (technically) throughout my year off, and it may have saved my sanity.. BUT it may also have made me what I am now, which is pretty incapable of being at home with both kids for any length of time. I just, ugh, I don't know how to keep up with Dishes and Laundry, let alone all the other household shit I should be getting done... So dishes pile up, and here I am, having done one sink full and I'm not doing any more.
My hope for the spring is gone.. now I get to look forward to possibly working two jobs in order to pay my Dad and my Mom back, not to mention getting caught up on my backpayments to the Bank.
Oh and the other thing making me irritated? The Eight. Pages. of forms I have to fill out to 'register' at the Family Responsibility Office.
I'm in the process of paying my lawyer bill and I STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL OF THIS PAPERWORK. FFS!
And they want every single detail I have on Patrick, just in case he *gasp* doesn't pay and quits his job and goes MIA..
Its fucking stupid. I'm working my ass off trying to raise these kids, and I have to do more work in order to get him to BE RESPONSIBLE and BE AN ADULT and UGH!
So god damned frustrating.
And yup, Im also swallowing little bits of aluminum from the fucking Coke can Im drinking from. Awesome.
Like I want to call my lawyer up to sue them. Fuck it, I'll just cough for a while.
Sooo yes. I have to dig through a big garbage bag full of "Shred" papers, that haven't been shredded yet, thank christ.
At least my procrastination AND paranoia have served me in this. I think I still have bank statements and bill payments with a BUNCH of info that Patrick wont rememebr I took.
Yeah, I should have taken EVERYTHING when I moved out.. er, disappeared in eight hours from that apartment.
Sometimes it feels like my entire life is regrets.
I found an email from 2005 from CJ that says "I miss talking to you."
That's all it says, adn I've kept it this long.
Im really hoping that all this stuff will be useful to me in the future (AHEM, writing-wise).. But Im not sure i can even put into words all the feelings that literally bubbled into my chest cavity when I read that sentence.
And yes, Twilight is horribly, terribly, painfully written. I'm rereading it (ONLY the third time through, so really, don't roll your eyes out of your head) Anyways there are a thousand million changes... Im debating rewriting a chapter... Kind of seriously.. I still doubt my ability to pull off any kind of plot, beacuse I tend to get caught up in the story (any story) and let the wool happily cover my eyes....
But mother of GOD, her craft fucking blows. Just, blows. Chunks. Most of the dialogue is painful, about the ONLY person she gets nailed down is Jacob.. and I'm only at the end of New Moon,(second book) so we'll see how well the other two stand up to my mental Red Pen. Her backstory.. it's BAAAAD... not as bad as the current (other) book Im reading OR the one I just read by that guy who's dialogue FUCKING HURTS to read.. I mean, at least it is all in Bella's view and is *almost* what she may have been thinking at that moment..
And Im pissed off because Lucky won't shut up. It's looking more and more like Gen's story is a sidebar and Lucky wants centre stage. Awesome. So I will be officially stuck in a 15 yr olds head shortly.. and I'm going to walk/run/fly with her through puberty.
She has visions. Which she uses to warn clubs when there's going to be an underage kid OD'ing in the bathroom, you know, shit like that. And she gets paid by the clubs to provide this service, and paid by the police force to let them know when she sees anything 'suspicious' at the clubs. And her best guy friend (Trick) is adept at making people see things his way, he basically influences you if you make eye contact with him. (OR direct skin contact. Guy's fucking tricky (haha) and I can't pin him down so well yet..) oh, and she got a crush on a guy named Grim who's 19 and telepath... and he's also the righthand man of the Lady, who's a true clairvoyant and is trying to get Lucky to take over her job.. her job is watching over all the gifted teenagers, and Lucky doesn't want to babysit.
Alllll of these characters are garbled in my head.. It's like tuning a radio dial, once in a while a station comes through clear but its only for a short while and then I gotta figure out who the fuck was talking and where they belong...
It would prolly go better if I was writing every day. I'm debating whether Gen's story is a trunk novel, and I should go through it, or whether I should skip over that and start hammering on Lucky's, since she wont shut up anyways..
k im going to sleep on it again.. and hopefully I'll have some idea tomorrow..