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11:51 p.m. - 2011-02-03
Im listening to Jay and Silent Bob Get Old.

The ones that are most popular, those ones are allllll about Mewes and drugs.

And the part that scares me the most? The shit AFTER you are sober.... the seeing shit and being paranoid, etc.

That alone scares me into never ever ever doing anything. Not that I have the opportunity, and I doubt at this stage that I ever will, but just in case.. yeah

Lemme make this clear. I am paranoid enough without fucking drugs, LET ALONE doing them long enough that when Im sober Im still fucking paranoid and thinking of crazy shit like men being in the mattress and fingering my gf while I'm lying next to her...

Theres a LOT of shit that I dont know if I could get over. Like hours and hours of fucking stories... Kevin Smith is an amazing person for forgiving Mewes all of that shit... all those people are better then I probably would be..

err, than I was. Didn't I drop Tali and Lisa for smoking weed 24/7? Yeah, guess I did. Although if they had given two shits about me at that time, or tried to talk me out of leaving at all, I prolly would have stayed. They didn't and I left.

My sitter is sick, was sick today and will be sick tomorrow. So Im at home with Dorian and losing my shit. I've run out of underclothes, so I need to do laundry, but Dorian is working on only having one nap a day, which fucks any kind of laundry schedule and I fucking hate being reduced to having one thing on my to do list.. and hardly getting it done.. and I have two more days this weekend, of having two kids and will hardly get anything done.

I didnt do the dishes cuz I had plans of just going to bed, and now Im listing to horrordrug stories.. real life fucking Basketball Diaries shit..

Its just, frustrating. I miss the B12 shit for ONE DAY and it all falls apart. because i dont have any energy and I get mad at my kids and resent my life and then I reward myself with the internet... which means Im tired and I forget the B12 again, which makes the day worse then the previous day and it fucking cycles.. we're on day three right now and all I want is four hours kidless so I can get the wardrobe downstairs and can make my living room almost kid proof again...

blerg. So. Bed. NOW. and B12 tomorrow. Hopefully by Monday I will ahve soem energy again, so I can do laundry and shit before I go to work at 12.

And my bday? THat will most likely be spent moving the wardrobe. And if I can do it, I'll work on everything up here too. THe boxes of shit that I piled in here so I could get the 6drawered monster up here.. yeah.

too much. much too much. Fucking work. ugh. I want to skip over this part and just get to the library/my room/office/storage area part. You know where its finished and I've sorted out all the clutter to just the stuff I need for the kids as they get older and like two memory boxes... one for grade school, one for high school.

yeah what did I say? BED. guh.



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