11:32 p.m. - 2020-04-04
work stuff when im not even there, sheesh
I think Im just apprehensive about what state the place will be in when i go back, because not being there for 24 hours meant that things were off by a lot by the time i came in again.
i got groceries this morning, spent a boatload of money, I still have approx $900 from my tax return that Im slowly chipping away at. Its fucking w i l d to not have to mentally tabulate how much everything in my cart costs and try to add the tax on top of that to make sure im going to have enough by the end. I havent had to do that since I started working again but still, it's a luxury I dont know if I will ever take for granted again.
FInally saw some actual social distancing measures at the grocery store, other than the signs all around saying stay back 6 ft that no one really pays attention to because there isn't enough space in the aisle to maintain that kind of distance. When I was about 3/4s of the way through being done my list, people were lining up weird, snaking around the edge of the store, and they were directing carts to each check out instead of us making our own lines a foot apart. And when i was leaving they had locked the one entrance and were lining people up outside. and it looked like one of the managers or owners directing people outside and allowing people in one at a time..
they dont seem to understand that you need dedicated people for all of these new things, dedicated cart sanitizing people and people directing traffic in the store when we cant see which till is open
even my store expected the front till clerks to be able to sanitize everything in the store once an hour, totally missing that it took longer than an hour for one person to do it and theres only two people on the front tills? Plus they were expected to screen every single person coming in the doors too, on top of their regular till duties. Like just ridiculous. Thats a 5 person set of jobs that you are expecting 2 people to handle.
Also they seem to have *just* realized that if someone gets sick with covid19, the whole pharmacy is out of commission for at least 2 weeks, possibly less depending on what the health unit says about deep cleaning but likely 2 weeks for sure.
And they are only just starting to come up with ideas on how to handle that. like, what??? How are you only thinking of this now?? Fucking again, the owners also being full time pharmacists is NOT a good mix. They are constantly bungled up by the trees and have no concept of the forest until muuuch later.
Im trying reheheheally hard to not step up and volunteer for anything, or say any 'wacky' ideas, Despite having worked there for a year and a half Im still one of the lowest seniority people, plus anytime Im there often enough to contribute anything I'm zombiefied from working.
sometimes it feels like im working for a runaway street car in san fransisco, like the one in monsters vs aliens, that dr cockroach was 'driving'
im tired again, its almost midnight again, somehow i have to go to bed immmmmediately when i tuck youngest in.
eldest did some arts and crafts today, and took a plain wooden sword and painted and cardboarded it (not in that order) and made a replica of Dark Link's sword. he's really creative and able to practically apply what he's thinking of, it's neat watching him create things.
I texted both dad and mom a little today, dad has started sending funny things over facebook messenger, so im usuing that as reminders to check in with him. I asked mom her thoughts on our 'drive by' visit and whether she was free in the afternoon tomorrow, so hopefully we can figure out something.
patrick's sister messaged me out of the blue with questions about how the boys are doing, with not seeing anyone. i admitted I've been letting youngest hang out with the neighbours and gave my reasons for that (when im at work he's pretty much alone since eldest keeps his bedroom door shut and has been a rather lax babysitter, as in doesnt make sure youngest eats or even knows where youngest is half the time when i get home) So instead of laying down the law and locking them in the house, I said that youngest is allowed to visit the neighbours when im at work.
I feel guilty about it ALL, I hate having to work and leave them home alone, I hate that youngest has to suffer and get scared and just sit with that some times when he's only 10 yrs old. So I make sure that he's cared for, for my piece of mind while Im at work, and for the neighbours piece of mind while I'm at work, and so we don't have to fight over it (me and eldest I mean) and so youngest doesn't feel like a failure or useless or a terrible child, which are all things he's said to me and asked me if he is, multiple times.
Im honest with patricks sister in ways im not honest with anyone else in his family, because she tends to get where Im coming from, but it's weird.. the way she phrased everything, it's like her mom (patrick's mom too) is talking through her.... like I can hear the conversation they had before she messaged me.
ugh im thinking about it too much, i dont want her to be pissed at me. But honestly, going upstairs is probably safer than giving me a hug after I've come home from work (and changed clothes)
I think if the weather is nice, we will park in the gallery parking lot, since that tends to not be completely full of people as the gallery is closed. and we can talk to each other through our cars, and not get out because I dont think we could stop giving each other a hug if we get out of the cars, so.
okay 12:08, it's bedtime.