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12:05 a.m. - 2020-08-07
Weird is as weird does
The internet died about an hour ago, so I'm writing this with data on

I dont want to disturb the neighbours this late to reset the modem to get the internet working, even tho both youngest and I like to have rainymood play as we sleep

I get irrationally angry when the internet goes down, and I havent figured out why this rage at the world spikes when the internet dies... probably because it happens every week or so, probably because I hate that internet isnt like hydro or water, that there always seems to be some issue with whatever programming is behind getting the internet through the wires into my apartment, and I have to rely on giant multinational companies that are utter shit, even though I actually pay a tiny local company for internet. All the hardware is the giant asshole company's, and every time they tweak something it bumps the littles off the line.

The reason I started this is because I cant get 'dont make it weird' out of my head. Like that is precisely the thing I am good for in this world, making it weird. And i get that you dont believe you can be convinced out of this belief by some words you dont believe, but i hope you talk to your shrink about it instead of telling me it when your drunk

Kids are fucking cruel, i get it. As someone who has been stalked, beaten, had her ahit stolen and destroyed, got the clever nickname 'Beef' alllllllll before I was in grade 5, I get it.

I guess I'm stuck on getting my one super power taken away. If I cant be weird about it, I've got not a single thing to offer you.

oh fuck wait a second. That better had not been a reference to that picture I sent you when you were in Afghanistan.

Fknnhelll I bet it was.

Welp no worries my dude, that level of weird wont ever be reached again in this lifetime, because theres not a week that goes by that I dont think about that and wonder if I actually sent it or if I shredded it instead. Either way it lives inside my head as what happens when I'm alone too long. I suddenly think it's okay to be far too sappy and make a talisman to keep you safe that also looks like your face. Super fkn weird in hindsight. But it worked, so, whatever

See I worked through it, it's alright if you hate the weird, if the weird works in whatever way I intended it to, like keep you safe, hold the coyotes at bay, keep the willow alive, make sure no one and nothing touches your car, and whatever else floats through my head when I'm refreshing my wards.

I mean, I'm an Aquarius, I'm good with weird.

In other happenings, mom does not have covid, but she does have pneumonia in both lungs, and the antibiotics have been kicking her ass. I'm off this weekend, three whole days in a row! So I'm going to make her some butter chicken, I just decided that

Tomorrow is payday, so I'll be able to get groceries.

I applied for government sick leave pay for the two weeks I was off work after my surgery, but it goes through the same division as the covid quarantine money requests, so I sure hope I didnt fuck up that application and accidentally apply for those covid benefits I definitely do not qualify for.
I dont want to have to spend the next 8+months staring at $2,000 I cant touch sitting in my bank account, waiting for the government to claw it back or send me a bill or put me in jail for fraud, whatever they decide to do.

I had a lady ask me if she should wash a paper bag today, to 'you know, sanitize it' and that's how I know we as a whole entire people have gone completely around the bend. Not because she asked, but because I answered her, calmly and casually, as if this was in fact something that can be done and not some ludicrous statement from a Monty python skit.



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